Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
