This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
