I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
