so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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