You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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