New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
