you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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