whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
