What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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