Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
