that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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