You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
