I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
