Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
