I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
