i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize