Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
