i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
