So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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