I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
