My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
