Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
