Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
