if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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