I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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