Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize