If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
