The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
