So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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