when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
