There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
