You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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