Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
