Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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