Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
