God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
