Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
