Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
