This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Two words: nipple clamps
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