I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
