How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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