elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize