Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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