wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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