I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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