There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
