I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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