Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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