Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
