I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
my poor anus
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
