Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
