You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
