new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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