we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
