Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
