Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
