I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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