i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
