I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
