Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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