there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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