I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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