phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
