I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
