OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
