You're earring is so big in my mouth
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
40s are totally the cure
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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