i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
