There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
