I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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