i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just gift wrapped bread.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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