My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
