she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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