Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
