so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
