in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
