They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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