So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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