YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
