She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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