Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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