I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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