We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Actions speak louder than pants.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
