You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
