Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
