Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
