I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize