tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
