i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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