I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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