the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
